Why We Remember Stuart: A Personal Connection
Back in 1999, Dean and I had a wonderful neighbor in our small condo complex. Her name was Jennifer Mouritsen, and her longtime childhood best friend was Stuart Matis. Jennifer wanted Stuart to meet us so he would have hope of finding a loving relationship like ours and have some positive gay role models. Jennifer, also a Mormon, was very worried about Stuart, and felt that the Church had failed in helping him to come to terms with his sexuality. Once I saw Jennifer and Stuart in downtown Willow Glen, but he didn't want to meet me, feeling distraught and shy to any outsiders. Not long after that encounter and before the passage of Proposition 22, we read about a young man who shot himself on the steps of the Los Altos Mormon Stake Center. A few days after that, Jennifer informed me that that was her friend Stuart whose body they found that early morning of February 25, 2000, which also happens to be my birthday. That date in February has never been the same for me. I am always thinking about what if Stuart had lived, or if Jennifer had remained being our neighbor. I didn't realize the importance of Stuart's life and how he ended it, and how distraught Jennifer had become that she should quickly sell her condo and move out of the country.
The Sunday before Martin Luther King day, in January 2010, there was a special event at a church in Palo Alto, where Joan Baez was performing. I told Dean I was going, and he reluctantly accompanied me. The event was crowded, but wonderful, and there was a reception afterwards. Dean encountered a chorus buddy, Kim, and we met his girlfriend, Lisa. We also ran into Alice Hoagland and her brother. Somehow, we started talking about religion and Stuart, and the upcoming tenth anniversary of Stuart's suicide, and wanting to remember him. Lisa happens to be a member of Mormons for Marriage, and the seeds for a memorial were then planted. I knew about Affirmation, but I didn't know about Mormons for Marriage or the Foundation for Reconciliation, and together, these three groups created the event from within the church, with both current and former members.
Please click on the links to these groups, and see the beautiful slide show and videos from the memorial compiled by Laura Compton.
For me, putting together the storyboard helped me to heal from Stuart's tragic suicide, and to honor our dear friend and neighbor, Jennifer Mouritsen. I want to give a special thanks to Carol Lynn Pearson for donating the many copies of her book, No More Goodbyes, which she autographed, and also creating a bookmark for the occasion listing the websites for Mormons for Marriage, LDS Apology, Affirmation and the toll-free number for The Trevor Project (1-866-4-U-TREVOR). She inserted the bookmarks in the copies of the book on page 50, where Stuart's story, as told in his words, begins.